[CRISP-TEAM] IANA Draft Proposal 14012015 - MRA

[Alan Barrett]

On Wed, 14 Jan 2015, Michael Abejuela wrote:
> My apologies, I anticipated getting this out an hour earlier.  
> Please find attached a redline and clean version of the updates 
> to the draft proposal.  In this draft you will observe the 
> changes identified in Izumi’s e-mail “Compilation of 
> Sugested texts – issues discussed at the 11th call” and 
> Izumi’s e-mail earlier today “To Michael: Suggested changes 
> to be reflected”

Thank you.  I have a few comments:

Section I.B: "The RIRs, not-for-profit membership-based
organizations, manage ...".  This is missing the "with elected governing
boards" that was present in another section.  This section is also
missing the definitions of "NRO" and "NRO EC" that I suggested should be
moved to this section, and that I thought received agreement.  See the
email thread "Move description of RIRs, NRO, and NRO EC to section I.A"
in which I provided a redline file draft-apb-NROEC-RIR.20150113.1.docx
with suggested edits.

Section III.A.2: The sentence "It is the preference of the RIR community
that all relevant parties agree to these expectations as part of the
transition" appears twice, buth in a paragraph near the middle, and in a
sentence at the end of the last paragraph.

Section III.A.3: "It is expected that RIR staff, as the contractual
party of this agreement, will draft the specific language of this
agreement." I thought we agreed that "the RIRs", not "RIR staff", would
draft the contract.  Also, could we say "contract" instead of
"agreement" here?

* Section III.A.4: I think we agreed that "The RIRs shall establish a
Review Committee".


I also found several changes that I proposed, that received 
consensus, but that have not been integrated.  I did not look for 
similar cases on behalf of others.

* Email thread "Document status inside the document", my redline file
draft-apb-STATUS.20150113.1.redline.docx from the email message
with these headers:

    Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:36:28 +0200
    From: Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com>
    To: crisp at nro.net
    Subject: Re: [CRISP-TEAM] Document status inside the document

* Email thread "Change NRO EC to RIRs", my suggestions in the message
with these email headers, 

    Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:25:27 +0200
    From: Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com>
    To: crisp at nro.net
    Subject: [CRISP-TEAM] Change NRO EC to RIRs

as modified by Paul Rendek's commens in this email message:

    Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:54:39 +0000
    From: Paul Rendek <rendek at ripe.net>
    To: crisp at nro.net
    Subject: Re: [CRISP-TEAM] Change NRO EC to RIRs

* Emaill thread "Move description of RIRs, NRO, and NRO EC to section I.A",
my redline file draft-apb-NROEC-RIR.20150113.1.docx from this email
message:

    Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:04:15 +0200
    From: Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com>
    To: crisp at nro.net
    Subject: [CRISP-TEAM] Move description of RIRs, NRO, and NRO EC to
     section I.A

modified by changing "associations" to "organizations".


Finally, I think we still need to update section VI.I to ensure that it
captures all recent discussions.  See items 9 and 10 in this email message:

    Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 10:26:00 +0200
    From: Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com>
    To: crisp at nro.net
    Subject: [CRISP-TEAM] Editorial suggestions

--apb (Alan Barrett)