[CRISP-TEAM] A few last minute editorial suggestions

[Andrei Robachevsky]

Colleagues,

Apologies for bringing this up late in the game, but there seems to be
one inaccurate statement and one purely editorial suggestion.

> II.B.3.i. NTIA
>
> While the IANA operator escalation and reporting mechanisms are public in nature, the Internet number resource community is primarily represented in oversight of the IANA functions operator's performance by the RIRs, which are not-for-profit membership associations with elected governance Boards. Currently, the NTIA does not have an oversight role in this regard.

I am not sure that is correct. The NTIA exercises the oversight role
through the IANA fiunctions contract and that is the change we are
proposing. At the same time I am equally not sure that currently the
RIRs have any oversight role in this regard.

NEW (along with the next para):

While the IANA functions operator escalation and reporting mechanisms
are public in nature, the NTIA has an oversight role in the provision of
the services through the contract with ICANN. The ultimate consequence
of failing to meet the performance standards or reporting requirements
is understood to be a decision by the contracting party (the NTIA) to
terminate or not renew the IANA functions agreement with the current
contractor (ICANN).


My second, more editorial point is that in section III.A.1.  ICANN to
continue as the IANA Numbering Services Operator, the following
paragraph seems out of place:

> A decision by the NTIA to discontinue its stewardship of the IANA functions, and therefore its contractual relationship with the IANA functions operator, would not have any significant impact on the continuity of IANA Numbering Services currently provided by ICANN. However, it would remove a significant element of oversight from the current system.

I think this is more appropriate for section III.A.3. Service Level
Agreement with the IANA Numbering Services Operator, and I suggest that
we move it there:

NEW:

III.A.3. Service Level Agreement with the IANA Numbering Services Operator

A decision by the NTIA to discontinue its stewardship of the IANA
functions, and therefore its contractual relationship with the IANA
functions operator, would not have any significant impact on the
continuity of IANA Numbering Services currently provided by ICANN.
However, it would remove a significant element of oversight from the
current system.

The Internet numbering community proposes that a new contract be
established between the IANA Numbering Services Operator and the five
RIRs. The following is a proposal to replace the current NTIA IANA
agreement with a new contract that more directly reflects and enforces
the IANA functions operator's accountability to the open, bottom-up
numbers community. [...]

Hope this is not a distraction

Andrei