[CRISP-TEAM] CRISP TEAM - Proposal Draft 13012015 Call

[Nurani Nimpuno]

Hi,

This is a very good start. Thanks Andrei and Alan.

I am still going through the document, but will need to break soon for other work I need to complete before the end of the day. So I will send my comments on this now. 

On 13 jan 2015, at 21:48, Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com> wrote:

> Thank you, Andrei, for your suggested changes based on Paul Wilson's changes.  I agree with most of your suggestions.
> 
> On Tue, 13 Jan 2015, Andrei Robachevsky wrote:
>> - In I.D restored the statement that the IANA Number Registries are generally accessed via references based on the IANA.ORG domain name.
> 
> I agree.

I agree.

>> - In I.D reinstated that the administration of the special-purpose “IN-ADDR.ARPA” and “IP6.ARPA” DNS zones may also require interaction with the .ARPA zone registry. This was deleted from the I.C, but I think the description of dependencies is a better place for this.
> 
> Moving it to I.D is fine.  I was also OK with deleting it as Paul Wilson
> did, but it's probaly better to reinstate it in I.D as you have done.

I agree that it's better in I.D.

>> - For consistency with the RFP and to avoid confusion with the IANA Numbering Services Operator, when it refers to all three functions, I changed the "IANA operator" to "IANA functions operator".
> 
> OK, so "IANA functions operator" as a general term, and "IANA Numbering Services Operator" as a more specific term.

Agreed.

> In III.A point (1), you have
> 
>       (1) ICANN to continue as the IANA functions operator for the
>       IANA Numbering Services, further referred as “IANA Numbering
>       Services Operator”;
> 
> I'd rephrase this as:
> 
>       (1) ICANN to continue as the IANA functions operator for the
>       IANA Numbering Services, further referred to as the “IANA
>       Numbering Services Operator”;
> 
> (add "to" and "the").  I might also write "hereinafter referred to" instead of "further referred to".

Agree with Alan's tweak.

> 
>> - In III.A I suggested changes to avoid the above confusion when we talk about the assumption that specific IANA customers (i.e. the numbers community, the protocol parameters community and the names community) will have independent arrangements with the IANA functions operator. I note that this paragraph was originally in the III.A.3, but I agree thie preamble is a better place, since this assumption also applied to other elements (e.g. IPR).
> 
> Thanks for noticing what seems to be overzealous use of search/replace by Paul.  Your version makes much more sense.

Ok with me.

Two other comments:

> Original text:
> NTIA has no oversight role in policy-making ... and its transition out of its current role would have minimal effect on the policy-making framework.
> 
> PW's change:
> NTIA has no oversight role in policy-making ... and its transition out of its current role would have no effect on the existing policy-making framework.

Changing "minimal effect" to "no effect" is more than merely editorial. But I am comfortable with this change.

> II.B.2.  If the policy sources identified in Section II.A are affected...
> 
> Original text:
> A decision by the NTIA to discontinue its stewardship ... would not have any significant impact on the continuity of Internet number-related IANA services currently provided by ICANN.
> 
> PW's change:
> A decision by the NTIA to discontinue its stewardship ... would have no impact on the continuity of IANA Numbering Services. 

I agree to remove the reference to ICANN. 
But I feel that "not have any significant impact" is more correct than "no impact"

Finally, for the record, I support the incorporation of all PW's suggested changes, which I identified as editorial in my previous mail, including the consistent use of terms, as discussed.

I will look through the rest of the changes in the morning and send through any additional comments I have.

Nurani



> 
> --apb (Alan Barrett)
> 
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