[CRISP-TEAM] [NRO-IANAXFER] Thanks, and comments on the second draft proposal

[Nurani Nimpuno]

Hi all,

As promised, I have gone through the changes suggested by Paul Wilson and identified:

o Straightforward editorial changes
These are changes I believe doesn't need any discussion, but are simply editorial in nature. 

o Consistent use of terms
Two suggestions on the consistent use of terms. I believe these are sensible and non-controversial changes. However, in some parts it seems to rework larger parts of the text and there we might need to discuss how to best handle those paragraphs. 

o Correction on the description of the gPDP
For this I am asking the group for clarification and the potential need to correct the text.

I have left all other changes suggested by PW, as I feel they may need to require discussion first. I will leave that to Izumi to decide how to best handle. 

I hope this was helpful.

Kind regards,

Nurani




Straightforward editorial changes
---------------------------------
I.C.
The most relevant IANA registries are:

PW's suggested change:
The relevant IANA registries are:
~~~~

II.A.2
If the ICANN Board rejects the proposed policy, it delivers to the ASO ACa statement of its concerns...

PW's suggested change:
If the ICANN Board rejects the proposed policy, it delivers to the ASO AC a statement of its concerns...

~~~~
By agreement of all RIRs, the ASO AC may forward a new proposed policy

PW's suggested change:
By agreement of all RIR communities (in according with their respective PDPs), the ASO AC may forward a new proposed policy
~~~~

III.B.
IV. A.
...
would coordinate their decisions via the NRO EC (made up of the RIR Directors and Chief Executives).

PW's suggested change:
... would coordinate their decisions via the NRO EC (made up of appointed representatives of each RIR, normally the CEOs).
~~~~

Consistent use of terms
---------------------------
o "IANA Numbering Services Operator" - suggested by PW
 - Using a consistent term is sensible and this term is fine with me. I also find it useful to coin one single term for the number-related services provided by IANA. 
 (However, I suggest refraining from capitalising each word, but that is of course a matter of style and preference.)

o "The RIRs are not-for-profit membership associations" - suggested by PW
 - Again, using a consistent term is sensible. 
   I think "organisations" is more appropriate but I will leave that for the RIR staff to decide. 
~~~

Possible correction regarding the gPDP
--------------------------------------
Then there is also the comment on the gPDP:
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"Any individual may submit a global proposal. Each RIR community must ratify an identical version of the proposed policy."

PW's suggested text:
Any individual may submit a global proposal, which must be agreed by all five RIR communities, in accordance with their respective policy development processes.

PW's comment: "It is incorrect that an identical version must be approved by all RIRs."
~~~~

If this indeed is incorrect, it will need to be corrected. Can we seek clarification on this?