[CRISP-TEAM] Editorial suggestions

Bill Woodcock woody at pch.net
Mon Jan 12 15:42:19 CET 2015


Although I will be unable to participate in the call (since it’s at the same time as an ARIN board meeting), I volunteer to synthesize the editorial suggestions and copyedit the result for proper grammar, punctuation, et cetera.


> On Jan 12, 2015, at 5:38 AM, Izumi Okutani <izumi at nic.ad.jp> wrote:
> 
> Thank you Paul. Helpful you have listed all those who shared the
> editorial suggestions (and also Pindwar if his point is not covered by
> others).
> 
> Let's confirm at the call today, who can volunteer to work on this.
> 
> If possible and agreed by CRISP Team members, I would prefer to add my
> editorical suggestion for Sectin III as well, "A few formating changes
> to Section III" (Thread title), so far supported by Andrei and Nurani.
> 
> 
> Izumi
> 
> On 2015/01/12 19:31, Paul Rendek wrote:
>> Hey All,
>> 
>> I agree, the suggestions from Alan, Bill, Niall and Wilfried (the ones
>> that I have fresh in my head) are all excellent contributions to help us
>> prepare a professional outcome.
>> 
>> Now that we have seen all suggestions addressed, I think its time to
>> concentrate on producing the final document.
>> 
>> I will support on the call that a version with these changes would be
>> useful so that we can begin a final review of the document.
>> 
>> Cheers,
>> Paul
>> 
>> 
>> On 1/12/15 10:20 AM, Izumi Okutani wrote:
>>> Thank you very much Alan, extemely helpful.
>>> 
>>> Could someone volunteer to compile all editorical suggestions, including
>>> the ones expressed from the community, and from Bill?
>>> 
>>> Thanks,
>>> Izumi
>>> 
>>> On 2015/01/12 18:26, Nurani Nimpuno wrote:
>>>> Thanks for going through it so thoroughly. Very helpful.
>>>> All good suggestions!
>>>> 
>>>> Will spend some time doing the same today an tomorrow.
>>>> 
>>>> Nurani
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> On 12 jan 2015, at 09:26, Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com> wrote:
>>>> 
>>>>> I have the following editorial suggestions.  Some are general, requiring searching or scanning through the entire document, and others are specific to a single point in the document.
>>>>> 
>>>>> General:
>>>>> 
>>>>> 1. Generally, check for double space after full stop/period and change it to single space.  (I prefer double space, but single space is more prevalent in this document, and we should be consistent.)
>>>>> 
>>>>> 2. Generally, check for missing blank line between paragraphs.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 3. Generally, check for consistent indentation.  For example, see the bulletlist in section I, where the first line of the last bullet point ("A description of any overlaps ...") does not line up with the second line of the same bullet point ("and the functions required ...").
>>>>> 
>>>>> 4. Generally, check for capitalisation of domain names, such as ARPA, IANA.ORG, IN-ADDR.ARPA, and IP6.ARPA.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 5. Generally, check for consistent capitalisation of "CRISP Team".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 6. Generally, check for consistent use of "the IANA".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 7. Generally, check for consistent distinction between "ICANN" and "the IANA functions operator".
>>>>> 
>>>>> Specific:
>>>>> 
>>>>> 1. Section II.A.4: should have a link to RFC 3172 (which is mentioned in section II.A.2).
>>>>> 
>>>>> 2. Section II.A.3: missing space in "ASO ACa statement" should be "ASO AC a statement".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 3. Section II.B.4: part of the quotation from the NTIA contract section C.2.9.3 is in bold italics.  Why not just italics like the rest of the quotation?
>>>>> 
>>>>> 4. Section III.A.2: change "acknowledge that fact" to "acknowledge these facts", since there are several facts.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 5. Section III.A.3: change "regarding the identity of the IANA operator going forward" to "the identity of the IANA operator after the transition".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 6. Section III.A.3: fix indentation and line break near "The oversight and accountability mechanisms" in bullet list.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 7. Section VI.B: Change "A dedicated web portal was setup" to "A dedicated web portal was set up".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 8. Section VI.G: Change "theCRISP team" to "the CRISP Team".
>>>>> 
>>>>> 9. Section VI.I: After the pargraph saying "Prior to submitting this proposal to the ICG, two drafts were published", add a list or table of dates, URLS for announcements, and URLs for draft documents.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 10. Section VI.I: Review the entire section to ensure that it captures the status of recent discussions.
>>>>> 
>>>>> --apb (Alan Barrett)
>>>>> 
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> CRISP mailing list
>>>>> CRISP at nro.net
>>>>> https://www.nro.net/mailman/listinfo/crisp
>>>> 
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>>>> 
>>> 
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>>> 
>> 
>> 
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> 
> 
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                                -Bill




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