[CRISP-TEAM] Editorial suggestions

[Mwendwa Kivuva]

I support. Had made similar observations on a different thread.

______________________
Mwendwa Kivuva, Nairobi, Kenya

"There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on
higher ground in that lifetime." - Maxwell Anderson


On 12 January 2015 at 11:26, Alan Barrett <apb at cequrux.com> wrote:

> I have the following editorial suggestions.  Some are general, requiring
> searching or scanning through the entire document, and others are specific
> to a single point in the document.
>
> General:
>
> 1. Generally, check for double space after full stop/period and change it
> to single space.  (I prefer double space, but single space is more
> prevalent in this document, and we should be consistent.)
>
> 2. Generally, check for missing blank line between paragraphs.
>
> 3. Generally, check for consistent indentation.  For example, see the
> bulletlist in section I, where the first line of the last bullet point ("A
> description of any overlaps ...") does not line up with the second line of
> the same bullet point ("and the functions required ...").
>
> 4. Generally, check for capitalisation of domain names, such as ARPA,
> IANA.ORG, IN-ADDR.ARPA, and IP6.ARPA.
>
> 5. Generally, check for consistent capitalisation of "CRISP Team".
>
> 6. Generally, check for consistent use of "the IANA".
>
> 7. Generally, check for consistent distinction between "ICANN" and "the
> IANA functions operator".
>
> Specific:
>
> 1. Section II.A.4: should have a link to RFC 3172 (which is mentioned in
> section II.A.2).
>
> 2. Section II.A.3: missing space in "ASO ACa statement" should be "ASO AC
> a statement".
>
> 3. Section II.B.4: part of the quotation from the NTIA contract section
> C.2.9.3 is in bold italics.  Why not just italics like the rest of the
> quotation?
>
> 4. Section III.A.2: change "acknowledge that fact" to "acknowledge these
> facts", since there are several facts.
>
> 5. Section III.A.3: change "regarding the identity of the IANA operator
> going forward" to "the identity of the IANA operator after the transition".
>
> 6. Section III.A.3: fix indentation and line break near "The oversight and
> accountability mechanisms" in bullet list.
>
> 7. Section VI.B: Change "A dedicated web portal was setup" to "A dedicated
> web portal was set up".
>
> 8. Section VI.G: Change "theCRISP team" to "the CRISP Team".
>
> 9. Section VI.I: After the pargraph saying "Prior to submitting this
> proposal to the ICG, two drafts were published", add a list or table of
> dates, URLS for announcements, and URLs for draft documents.
>
> 10. Section VI.I: Review the entire section to ensure that it captures the
> status of recent discussions.
>
> --apb (Alan Barrett)
>
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