[CRISP-TEAM] Editorial suggestions
apb at cequrux.com
Mon Jan 12 09:26:00 CET 2015
I have the following editorial suggestions. Some are general,
requiring searching or scanning through the entire document, and
others are specific to a single point in the document.
1. Generally, check for double space after full stop/period
and change it to single space. (I prefer double space, but
single space is more prevalent in this document, and we should be
2. Generally, check for missing blank line between paragraphs.
3. Generally, check for consistent indentation. For example,
see the bulletlist in section I, where the first line of the
last bullet point ("A description of any overlaps ...") does not
line up with the second line of the same bullet point ("and the
functions required ...").
4. Generally, check for capitalisation of domain names, such as
ARPA, IANA.ORG, IN-ADDR.ARPA, and IP6.ARPA.
5. Generally, check for consistent capitalisation of "CRISP Team".
6. Generally, check for consistent use of "the IANA".
7. Generally, check for consistent distinction between "ICANN" and
"the IANA functions operator".
1. Section II.A.4: should have a link to RFC 3172 (which is
mentioned in section II.A.2).
2. Section II.A.3: missing space in "ASO ACa statement" should be
"ASO AC a statement".
3. Section II.B.4: part of the quotation from the NTIA contract
section C.2.9.3 is in bold italics. Why not just italics like the
rest of the quotation?
4. Section III.A.2: change "acknowledge that fact" to "acknowledge
these facts", since there are several facts.
5. Section III.A.3: change "regarding the identity of the IANA
operator going forward" to "the identity of the IANA operator
after the transition".
6. Section III.A.3: fix indentation and line break near "The
oversight and accountability mechanisms" in bullet list.
7. Section VI.B: Change "A dedicated web portal was setup" to "A
dedicated web portal was set up".
8. Section VI.G: Change "theCRISP team" to "the CRISP Team".
9. Section VI.I: After the pargraph saying "Prior to submitting
this proposal to the ICG, two drafts were published", add a list
or table of dates, URLS for announcements, and URLs for draft
10. Section VI.I: Review the entire section to ensure that it
captures the status of recent discussions.
--apb (Alan Barrett)
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