[CRISP-TEAM] Fwd: [cooperation-wg] Fwd: [NRO-IANAXFER] Internet Number Community IANA Stewardship Proposal: Final Call for Comments
nurani at netnod.se
Mon Jan 12 08:38:09 CET 2015
Dear Crisp team,
I'm forwarding on some editorial comments and corrections sent to us from Niall O'Reilly in the RIPE community.
Begin forwarded message:
> From: "Niall O'Reilly" <niall.oreilly at ucd.ie>
> Subject: Re: Fwd: [cooperation-wg] Fwd: [NRO-IANAXFER] Internet Number Community IANA Stewardship Proposal: Final Call for Comments
> Date: 10 januari 2015 17:54:16 CET
> To: Paul Rendek <rendek at ripe.net>
> Cc: Nurani Nimpuno <nurani at netnod.se>, Andrei Robachevsky <andrei.robachevsky at gmail.com>
> Done. Here's my nit-list, as promised.
> Please excuse my laziness in not including the other (non-RIPE)
> members of the CRISP Team.
>> the delegation of subdomains below the “IN-ADDR.ARPA” and “IP6.ARPA”
>> domains in accordance with the allocation of IPv4 and IPv6 addresses.
> Instead of "in accordance with", which evokes for me the
> hierarchical relationship between a policy or law and its
> implementation, I would put "corresponding to" or simply "matching".
> This seems to me to convey more clearly the parallel nature of the
> operational tasks, as I understand them.
>> The IANA Operator will delegate subdomains below the IN-ADDR.ARPA and
>> IP6.ARPA domains in accordance with the allocation of IPv4 and IPv6
> See above.
>> The agreement would include specific requirements for performance and
>> reporting commensurate with current mechanisms, [x2]
> The comparison between proposed and current mechanisms isn't one of
> quantity or measurable extent (as for example between the respective
> masses of the proton and neutron), but rather of quality. I'ld
> suggest "consistent with" or "corresponding to" instead of
> "commensurate with".
>> IANA services for the Internet number registries are presently subject
>> to change per that agreement.
> As "presently" means different things in different parts of the
> English-speaking world, I'ld suggest "currently" instead.
> Here too (and somewhere else which I can't find again just now) I'ld
> suggest "in accordance with" instead of "per", for essentially
> aesthetic reasons.
>> however the ensuring feedback to and from regional discussion forums
>> has been a priority for all of those representatives.
> I couldn't make sense of this. I suspect the cut-n-paste or
> spell-check gremlins sabotaged something.
> Apart from those specific instances, I feel that better use of
> hyphens in compound attributive adjectives in various places
> throughout the draft would significantly facilitate the reader. One
> example of the problem is the following.
>> Each of the RIR communities operates according to open, bottom-up,
>> transparent and consensus based processes
> s/consensus based/consensus-based/
> I hope this helps.
> Chief pedant 8-)
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