[CRISP-TEAM] Fwd: [cooperation-wg] Fwd: [NRO-IANAXFER] Internet Number Community IANA Stewardship Proposal: Final Call for Comments

[Nurani Nimpuno]

Dear Crisp team,

I'm forwarding on some editorial comments and corrections sent to us from Niall O'Reilly in the RIPE community. 
Nurani

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "Niall O'Reilly" <niall.oreilly at ucd.ie>
> Subject: Re: Fwd: [cooperation-wg] Fwd: [NRO-IANAXFER] Internet Number Community IANA Stewardship Proposal: Final Call for Comments
> Date: 10 januari 2015 17:54:16 CET
> To: Paul Rendek <rendek at ripe.net>
> Cc: Nurani Nimpuno <nurani at netnod.se>, Andrei Robachevsky <andrei.robachevsky at gmail.com>

<snip>

>  Done. Here's my nit-list, as promised.
> 
>  Please excuse my laziness in not including the other (non-RIPE)
>  members of the CRISP Team.
> 
>> the delegation of subdomains below the “IN-ADDR.ARPA” and “IP6.ARPA”
>> domains in accordance with the allocation of IPv4 and IPv6 addresses.
> 
>  Instead of "in accordance with", which evokes for me the
>  hierarchical relationship between a policy or law and its
>  implementation, I would put "corresponding to" or simply "matching".
>  This seems to me to convey more clearly the parallel nature of the
>  operational tasks, as I understand them.
> 
>> The IANA Operator will delegate subdomains below the IN-ADDR.ARPA and
>> IP6.ARPA domains in accordance with the allocation of IPv4 and IPv6
>> addresses.
> 
>  See above.
> 
>> The agreement would include specific requirements for performance and
>> reporting commensurate with current mechanisms, [x2]
> 
>  The comparison between proposed and current mechanisms isn't one of
>  quantity or measurable extent (as for example between the respective
>  masses of the proton and neutron), but rather of quality.  I'ld
>  suggest "consistent with" or "corresponding to" instead of
>  "commensurate with".
> 
>> IANA services for the Internet number registries are presently subject
>> to change per that agreement.
> 
>  As "presently" means different things in different parts of the
>  English-speaking world, I'ld suggest "currently" instead.
> 
>  Here too (and somewhere else which I can't find again just now) I'ld
>  suggest "in accordance with" instead of "per", for essentially
>  aesthetic reasons.
> 
>> however the ensuring feedback to and from regional discussion forums
>> has been a priority for all of those representatives.
> 
>  I couldn't make sense of this.  I suspect the cut-n-paste or
>  spell-check gremlins sabotaged something.
> 
>  Apart from those specific instances, I feel that better use of
>  hyphens in compound attributive adjectives in various places
>  throughout the draft would significantly facilitate the reader.  One
>  example of the problem is the following.
> 
>> Each of the RIR communities operates according to open, bottom-up,
>> transparent and consensus based processes
> 
>  s/consensus based/consensus-based/
> 
>  I hope this helps.
> 
>  Niall
>  Chief pedant 8-)
> 
>