Nurani Nimpuno nurani at netnod.se
Thu Jan 8 10:39:06 CET 2015

Thank you Michael for your fantastic effort in merging all the text into one structured document.

I am still going through the document, but will provide my comments as soon as I can.

First, two quick comments:

1. Numbering
The numbering is fine with me. (Like Alan, I prefer hierarchical arabic numbers, but the RFP has set the format with roman numbering so let's stick to that.)

2. URL references
We have used a variety of different methods to include URL pointers throughout the document. It might be a little late to try to tidy that up at this stage (and it's not paramount), but would we want to include footnotes in the text for parts that refer to the URLs we list under "Relevant links"? (To make the document clearer and easier to read.)

This is partly a question for the group, but also really a question for Michael as it entails a bit of work to insert relevant footnote numbers in the text. 

Perhaps, the most reasonable approach if we decide to do this, is to do it in the tidying-up phase, after the publication of the second draft (8-12 Jan). 


On 8 jan 2015, at 09:07, Michael Abejuela <mabejuela at arin.net> wrote:

> Hello CRISP Team,
> Thank you all for your comments and redlined text, it definitely helped with incorporating the edits into this 2nd draft of the proposal.  Thank you also to Izumi and Alan for compiling a lot of the necessary changes into a consolidated form.  I attempted to incorporate all of the revised text, but please review for any that I may have missed and need to edit.  I also proposed a numbering scheme that may or may not seem awkward to some but appreciate any feedback on this item as well.  I am attaching both a clean and redline version for your review.  I will also make final formatting updates on the final draft for release as a last cleanup.
> One editorial item I did incorporate but ask for your comment or approval is in the section now labeled II.B.3.ii Regional Internet Registries – second paragraph, last sentence where I have removed “specific funding or operational resolutions” and in its place put “matters related to the respective RIR.”  I made this language more general to be in line with my understanding of all the RIRs and to avoid any confusion that there are specific funding or operational resolutions for which members cast votes on a regular basis.
> After reviewing this draft, please let me know if there are any additional changes to be made.  I recall that we have a deadline for comments at 11:00 UTC so that I can incorporate any final edits by 12:00 UTC and ultimate release of the proposal to the community at 13:00 UTC.
> Thanks,
> -Michael
> p.s.  One item I recall there being a removal of text had to do with the discussion of the issue of how detailed provisions about the contract would be included but I did not remove any such text.  It may have already been addressed in the edits but I wanted to confirm with the team just in case.  Thanks.
> -- 
> Michael R. Abejuela
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