[CRISP-TEAM] Draft SLA Principles- Section III text insertion

[Izumi Okutani]

I'm happy with the revision. Many thanks Paul and Nurani for working on
the revision.

While this it not a request to Paul and Nurani -

I would still like to see a merged version which titles of each proposal
elements, and IRP section reflected, to see if this section looks good
overall, in terms of able to grasp the proposal.

I don't know if Michael has the time for this or better to seek for
other volunteer. I'll follow up about this at the call today.


Cheers,
Izumi


On 2015/01/07 19:02, Paul Rendek wrote:
> Hey Izumi,
> 
> Thanks very much for your comment on the draft insertion for section
> III. Nurani and I have incorported your suggested changes and I have
> attached the latest final draft version witht he track changes
> reflecting your suggestions.
> 
> Cheers,
> Paul
> 
> 
> On 1/7/15 5:13 AM, Izumi Okutani wrote:
>> Paul, Nurani and CRISP Team,
>>
>>
>> Thank you for working on the suggested text.
>>
>> I think it covers all key points consistenet with the document Paul had
>> shared with SLA main points and principles.
>>
>> Sorry the e-mail is a little long due to quotes but I believe I'm not
>> suggesting anything subatantial.
>>
>>
>> Michael,
>> I wonder if you would be able to share how this section will look like
>> if reflecting all suggested text, including texts from Andrei and Alan.
>>
>> I note there may be more comments but it would be helpful to see how the
>> format of this section will look like, after incorporating suggested
>> texts at this stage.
>> (Especially with titles added for each proposal element)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ## Key observation : No changes needed ##
>>
>> IPR:
>> I am comfortable with the description of ""ix. Intellectual Property
>> Rights and Rights Over Data", which doesn't contract with our
>> description in our prpoosal related to IRP, from my perspective.
>>
>> I welcome feedback from CRISP Team members with more expert knowledge in
>> this area.
>>
>> Andrew Sullivan's point:
>> I note his is addressed in the sentence below.
>>
>> "This proposal assumes that specific IANA customers (i.e. the numbers
>> community, the protocol parameters community and the names community)
>> will have independent arrangements with the IANA operator..."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ## Editorial suggestions ##
>>
>> Minor editorical suggestions for the ease of reading, doesn't change
>> contents/any part of the sentences.
>>
>> 1. Move the last paragraph describing SLA in earlier paragraph
>>   - For clarify to reading, describe the concept at the begining and
>>     list each elements
>>   - * Paragraph marked in * is suggested to move
>>
>>     (No changes in the texts & not critical, if there is a diagreement
>>      to change)
>>
>> ---
>> * This proposal assumes that specific IANA customers (i.e. the numbers
>> community, the protocol parameters community and the names community)
>> will have independent arrangements with the IANA operator relating to
>> maintenance of the specific registries for which they are responsible.
>> At the same time, the Internet numbers community wishes to emphasize the
>> importance of communication and coordination between these communities
>> to ensure the stability of IANA functions operation. Such communication
>> and coordination would be especially vital should the three communities
>> reach different decisions regarding the identity of the IANA functions
>> operator going forward. Efforts to facilitate this communication and
>> coordination should be undertaken by the affected communities via
>> processes separate to this stewardship transition process.  *
>>
>> The following is a proposal to replace the current NTIA IANA agreement
>> with a new contract that more directly reflects and enforces the IANA
>> functions operator's accountability to the open, bottom-up numbers
>> community.  The proposal attempts to ensure the continuity of processes
>> and mechanisms that have proved successful and with which the community
>> is satisfied.  .....
>>
>> ---
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 2. "IANA Agreement Principles" Section
>> I suggeste to put the title in the format which doesn't cause
>> misundertang that this is a seperate proposal element, different from SLA.
>>
>> (1)	ICANN to continue as the IANA functions operator on number resources;
>> (2)	Intellectual property rights (IPR) related to the provision of the
>> IANA services stay with the community;
>> (3)	Service level agreement with the IANA functions operator on number
>> resources; and
>> (4)	Establishment of a Review Committee, with representatives from each
>> RIR, to advise the NRO EC on the review of the IANA functions operator’s
>> performance and meeting of identified service levels.
>>
>>
>> "IANA Agreement Principles" is not a seperate element of the proposal
>> but a part of (3).
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On 2015/01/06 19:14, Paul Rendek wrote:
>>> Dear Colleagues,
>>>
>>> Please find attached the agreed text insertion of SLA principles into
>>> section III of the Draft Response as promised by Nurani and I.
>>>
>>> Michael, I hope that the track changes insertion will make it easier to
>>> incorporate into the master draft document.
>>>
>>> If you have any comment please send this along to the list.
>>>
>>> Cheers,
>>> Paul
>>>
>>> RIPE NCC
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
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>>>
>>
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> 
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